I wrote this a while back (2008 or 2009) and debated if I should post it because I was in a bit of a negative mood that day. But, it’s reality, I’m human, and have bad days too. Most importantly, I think you’ll relate.
The Universe is speaking to me again. Signs and synchronicities are lining up, and honestly, I’m feeling a little uneasy about it. I love the flow of communication and being aligned, but the last time these things happened in such a big way, visions I’d been having for about a year manifested into reality, and ultimately I learned a big lesson in the Romantic Love Department: be very clear about what you want.
One of the things to come up repeatedly is that life is a game. As Wayshowers/Lightworkers we tend to repeat to ourselves that everything is for the highest good. Divine Right Order are the newest catch words. But, some days I don’t want to play this game. I want the world in which money does grow on trees, and chocolate has no calories. Sometimes it hurts too much to be in this world, and I have asked myself – and God – why I chose this.
A big lesson I have learned is that the lighter you get the more you attract energy suckers, and other negative ‘things’ to parasitize your energy. The closer you get to a revelation, a break-through, or higher dimension the more kung fu you need to be with your self confidence, and clearing, clearing, always clearing. You must make a daily practice of clearing and honoring your self and your space. You must make sacred time every day to remember who you are, pray, and meditate. If you are not vigilant and aware of the dark side it will sneak in the back door and cut you off at the knees.
As Wayshowers/Lightworkers we know we must find something to love about ourselves when it seems no one else will, and our ‘fat pants’ are too tight. We train our minds to spiral up to the highest thought, the seemingly unrealistic ideal for ourselves and those we love, in hopes of creating it. Deep inside of me there is a feeling memory of being loved that I am tapping more and more. Total and complete love. Nothing like what is here. (You have it too. Seek and you shall find.) People say I love you then turn around and say I love pizza, or “I love lamp”. And there are beings here who don’t even pretend to love you, and can behave downright cruel.
A large part of the work we are to do to heal is releasing the density of emotions from this lifetime, and all of the parallel (or past) lives that we are experiencing. We are breaking life theme patterns for an entire ancestral line. And hey, lets be honest; it ain’t easy. Some days (for several years now) I am overcome with ‘releasing emotions’ and wonder when the heck it will be gone. I realize this is a process, a major detox, and I’ve always been sure that all will be Paradise in the end. Godspeed the end of clearing! I know I’ve done a heck of a load of work, and some days I’m feeling a bit beat up.
We are Wayshowers/Lightworkers because we have been and are going through it; we have traversed the landscape of the heart and mind and found the Light – even a glimpse of the Light. I want to be honest and frank. We come from where ever we come from, leaving our homes and true families to hold the light here so that others can make it through the darkness. Even as they deny us, and deceive us, and tell us lies, we do it because that is our Mission, yes? And we knew, even as children, something they did not; Love.
A while back I read this quote, and I apologize for not remembering the author (and I paraphrase) “You came to remind them of joy and love, and they (your family) had a bad day, or where consumed with anger or rage. They told you to sit down and be quiet. And you did. Then they told you lies about you, and you believed them.” Well that was so true for me and would guess for most Wayshowers/Lightworkers. If you haven’t yet, then I say it’s time to stop believing the lies, pull up your big girl/boy pants, and get on with the show. You know what you are here to do.
Yes, the gate is wide to the life of a Wayshower/Lightworker. Very enticing when it’s all about light and love and abundance. There is nothing nobler in my eyes than helping a brother in need. But, suddenly the path narrows. Then stones appear on the path, and your moccasins are no longer appropriate, you need some combat boots and better tools. Then there are mountains to climb. Then you find yourself in the middle of an asteroid belt! The question that I beg to be answered is “How the heck did I get here?”
I have felt like “The Man Who Fell To Earth”, (remember that Bowie movie from the 70’s?) who – among many other familiar things – lets his guard down and attempts to relate to an earth woman and fails miserably because of their differences in where they’re ‘coming from’. Only twice in my life have I been truly ‘seen’ by a man I was in partnership with. Intellectually, I know that the majority of people have not had the ability to flow God through their heart – and those that do are not always consistent. I understand that is being healed with the shift, and part of the reason we are here; to show how it is done. That knowing does not make it any easier. The human part of me still wants companionship with another who sees me, who I don’t have to explain myself to or constantly verbally communicate. As much as I’d love to be swung round the dance floor by a kilted bard with a curly mustache, to communicate in silence with another who knows what you know, and knows who you are, is a most precious gift. I miss it.
No, it’s not easy. No matter that some days we want to curl into a ball and beg our air crew to beam us up. Regardless of what the ego tells us, or the dark side makes us forget, we are Children of the Living God Most High and we are here to radiate our entire beings to illuminate all darkness and guide our Brothers and Sisters Home. We look forward to going Home. Until then we do the work, clear the density until it’s gone, integrate the polarities, and the sun comes out again.
As far as the latest recurring signs, well, I haven’t yet figured out what exactly they portend, but I will listen to my inner knowing which says:
“Be willing to hold the space for what is next for your evolution. Without acting on the ego’s demand for attention. Accept every curve on your path with knowing in your heart that you are always guided to your highest and best outcome. If you surrender to it.”
Surrender to the process? Not always easy, but yes. I will pull up my own big girl pants, and what ever Spirit has in store for me I will open to with this in mind:
The thicker and deeper the mud, the more beautiful the lotus blooms. – The Buddha
Fingers crossed there are no snakes hiding in that mud.
©2012 Susan Sloane